Wednesday, February 3, 2010


I'm so embarrassed. I would sooo like to hide my face right now and not let anyone know. I truly can't stand it when I make mistakes. I'm not a warped kind of perfectionist that has to have every dot n tittle micro managed. I don't have my home perfectly organized and my desk looks like somebody works there (not sure who since most of the time it's not me!). But I do like to be right. I like to make good decisions and I like to take pride in those good decisions. When I do something stooo-pid. I would like nothing more than for NO ONE on the face of the earth to know about it!!

Today I find myself angry. First, I was angry with "them". It was obviously their fault. If they wouldn't have got all uptight about the situation, it would have taken care of itself. Then, I was mad at "others" who aren't even involved. But, by George, if that problem wasn't there, then I wouldn't be in this situation, its all their fault! That worked for just a few minutes while I cried like a baby and blamed others. Then after about 30 minutes of mentally pointing the finger at everyone else but me, I finally faced the truth.

The hard cold truth is I have no one to blame but myself. If I would have made better decisions in the past I wouldn't be in the situation I'm in right now. When I was bawling like a baby, it was because I was mortified, blaming everyone else justifies my position, and eases the pain...for a moment. The facts are...even after blaming "others" and "them"...the situation is still there...still glaring me in the face.

So here I go...facing my own ugly truth...I was wrong. OUCH! You have no idea how much that pains me. I just hate being wrong. :-(

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